


Under The Infulence

by NineTalestoTell



Series: So We Meet Again Extras [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Internalized Homophobia, Kind of Angst??, M/M, This might be short, but i love it, cannon era homophobia, enjoy, idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-06-15
Packaged: 2018-07-15 04:15:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7207484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NineTalestoTell/pseuds/NineTalestoTell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He knew what he and John had wasn't right. He knew that from the moment they started this wonderful madness. Why then, could he not seem to stop it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Under The Infulence

**Author's Note:**

> Yoooooo, this is probably short but this idea has been bugging me for days so have a thing 
> 
> Musical inspiration is [Under The Influence by Elle King](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EtM7zIF-IlU).

Alex knew what he and John had wasn't right. He knew That from the moment they started this wonderful madness. He knew the price they would pay if they were ever caught. They would be court martialed, they could be hanged. Sodomy was a crime, after all. At least between two men. He was sure similar sinful things happened between wedded men and women all the time, but they were in no danger. In Alexander's mind it was all just so unfair. He didn't really know what difference the gender of a lover made. If an act could send you to hell, why did the sex matter? Still, fair or not, it was still the law, and he and John could die at the gallows for their sins. 

If it came to that, Alex would take the blame for it in an instant. He'd been ready to die for years. He figured John was a good enough cause. 

Still, it was as if John was a drug he just couldn't quit. His lips were a sweet elixir Alex couldn't get enough of. His body sent symphonies through his mind. His smile lit up the room and his freckles spread over his skin like constellations. His beauty was something he couldn't give up. He could lay in his arms for hours, he could kiss his lips for days. There were other things he could kiss for days as well, but that was between them. 

John knew it wasn't right either. Still, there was something about Alexander's eyes when he was impassioned by something, which was often, that stirred something inside of him, and, well, outside of him as well. Alex's hair was long and soft and John could run his fingers through it for hours. He was helpless. This love was criminal, it was dangerous and wrong. But it was wrong in all the right ways. There was something about the danger that was alluring to him.

He supposed it was that danger that brought them together night after night. It was the poison on Alex's lips and tongue and it was the electricity in his touch. It was the fire in him that kept them warm even when it was bitter cold outside. He hoped it was just the danger and the physical attraction that was drawing them together. He tried to ignore the way Alex made his heart flutter, or how he never felt safer than when he was in Alex's arms. He tried to ignore how he felt when Alex's kisses became tender, or when his touches gentle and almost loving, or when their nights became far more intimate than they should be.  

Part of Alexander wished that it was just danger that drew him to John as well. Then again, to deny how he was feeling required self-control, which Alex never had much of. He knew he loved John. He knew he would be a fool to admit it. He knew John might not feel the same. He didn't want to ruin what relationship he had with John, but he couldn't deny the feelings he had as well. It was a torturous split, and both options were dangerous. Either they could keep this up, try to deny feelings, and keep it solely physical. This would lead to them probably getting caught and hanged, no matter how they felt about each other. The other option was to confess his feelings and perhaps have them returned, or, more likely, cause John to stop this whole affair. That option ended in either death or heartbreak. Both were risky choices, and making it was not easy. 

That evening, as they entered their tent for the night, Alex decided to take the most risky option; option two. Confess. As soon as the tent flaps closed, John's arms wrapped around him. Alex hummed as John pressed kisses to his neck from behind. 

"John..." Alex sighed as he leaned into the other man. 

"Yeah?" John asked as he nipped at Alex's ear. Alex gasped at that and reached up to pull John's hair out of its ponytail. 

"John..I want to talk to you." Alex said as the turned around in John's arms. 

"Talking can wait." John said as he kissed Alex deeply. Alex returned the kiss and pulled him closer by the lapels of this uniform. 

"It's important." Alex said when John pulled away for air. 

"It can wait." John said. He nipped at Alex's lip and pushed Alex' coat off of his shoulders. Alex was breathless, but huffed. 

"John-" Alex said and pulled away enough to look him in the eye- "John, I love you." He said and held his breath, waiting in silence for John's reaction. 

John, however, was stunned. Those words were the last thing he expected Alex to say. He wasn't sure how to respond. 

"John...I know that the only way to describe this love is criminal, I know it's dangerous, but God John just say something." Alex said. He hated the scilence and he  was not a patient man. The longer John went without saying anything, the more Alex's internal panic grew. 

"Alex-" John said, his grip tightening on Alex's arm. 

"John, please say I did not just ruin whatever this is." Alex said, his eyes pleading. 

"Alexander." John said and drew in a breath. "My Alexander, if we commit to this, it is going to be a lot harder to quit when this war is done." 

"My dear Laruens, I could not give a damn about that if I tried." Alex said with a small smile. 

"Then neither do I." John said as he pulled Alex closer. "My Hamilton, I love you too." He said as their lips met once again, this time with a renewed vigor. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this check out the rest of the series and the main fic [So We Meet Again](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6459646/chapters/14783737) and holler at me at [ historical-bisexual.tumblr.com](http://historical-bisexual.tumblr.com/)


End file.
